On Adoption

Adoption has a very tender place in my heart.
As a single girl in my twenties, I do not have a Peace about pursuing adoption for myself at this time. But I yearn for a face. I want a name to specifically pray for when I am on my knees begging to be molded into a Spiritualy leader and comforter for my kids.
It may not be an option for me to adopt, but how else can I care for the widows and orphans as God has commanded us?
Last fall an idea came to me, that was really hard to put into words at first, but was basically this idea reaching out, forming relationships and supporting needs in hopes of forming lifelong relationships. My heart was specifally for orphans. Adoption, not in the typical sense, but within my means.
I contacted Africa New Life and soon began "financially fostering" my sweet girl Peace. Peace is a native Rwandan, loves the Lord, and is an amazing 11 year old. Being pin pals with her has been such a blessing, and I have begun looking into what it would look like for me to support one or two more orphans in different cities around Rwanda.
I was given information on two more children, and I decided to pray about it.
{Back ground story...when I was praying about supporting Peace, I had this thought in the back of my mind, "what if someone else decides to support her before I do?"...Praise God for every need that is met, but I was approaching this- preparing my heart- as if this was going to be a life long relationship...I am not usually that vulnerable but I had to be, and along with that came the chance that it would be taken away from me...I know this sounds very selfish, and again Praise God for every orphan that is supported - I know this is not about me and my need to fill any maternal longing}
I decided to support one of the kids, but I received an email back that she had already been sponsored, but I had the option to co sponsor her. I re-read the email. I was so thrown off because I did not prepare myself for this like I had the last time. I was told this was a blessing because it was God's answer, but I felt like a had lost someone. But why couldn't I co-sponsor her? Why did it hurt so much that I could not be her sole supporter?
{Continued from a couple weeks ago}
I did not know how to process this, so I just set it aside. One thing that is blatantly obvious to me now, is that over these past few weeks no amount of soul searching that I was doing, or could have done, was providing anything for these children. I leaned on my own understanding at the cost of basic necessities for these children.
I have again begun the process, and am excited for where this is leading, in relationship along with clarity and Peace in my own heart.