Penitentials

Psalms 51:10-12 has been a life verse, well verses, for me. A Prayer for a clean heart, a steadfast spirit full of Joy. Recently, I have really been looking at this passage in it's context of acknowledging one's transgression and begging for forgiveness.

Psalms 51 is one of seven poems referred to as the Penitential Psalms, made up of chapters 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, and 143. David wrote 51 and 32 specifically referring to his affair with Bathsheba and murder of Uriah, however all of them refer to confession of sin and God's forgiveness.

Looking back, the last post I wrote is more meaningful now than it was even when I wrote it, but I do have more of a follow up on my awe of God's forgiveness.

In light of God being all knowing, what does it mean to confess? In Chapter 32:5, David owns up to his transgression, and in chapter 51:4 he admits His sin is against God. Above any earthy earthly relationships, our sin is ultimately against God. This reality is crucial, because we see in verses 16-17 that ritual without genuine repentance is useless, and how can there be genuine repentance if we unaware of our separation from God? I'll speak for myself, but I am right there with David that separation from God is blatant, no chance of being unaware of it, it affects us physically. In 102:4 & 7, we see David's sleeping and eating affected.

"If you, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared." 

Psalms 130:3-4

What a mouthful, what a reality check. All sin separates us from God, how can I put more weight on certain actions (based on my emotions that a certain sin is worse), without therefore putting less weight on other sin? All sin has separated us from God, and our only hope is that God has already forgiven us. He is all knowing, and yet He ran after us anyway? He continues to run after us, though He knows the future? The human in me trembles in fear that His patience is about to end.

I think of the Casting Crowns East to West lyrics:

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness 
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me

*   *   *   *   *

Bonhoeffer speaks to the contrast of cheap grace v costly grace, and defines cheap grace as "the justification of the sin without the justification of the sinner," pg 43, and that "Costly Grace confronts us as a gracious call to follow Jesus, it comes as a word of forgiveness to the broken spirit and the contrite heart. Grace is costly because it compels a man to submit to the yoke of Christ and follow him; it is grace because Jesus says: 'My yoke is easy and my burden is light,' " pg 45.

We are commanded, yet as Bonhoeffer says on pg 38-39, "Jesus asks nothing of us without giving us the strength to perform it...May we withstand out foes, and yet hold out to them the the Word of the gospel which woos and wins the souls of men"

This is the point, that God may be glorified. I don't know why, but he chooses to use us to reflect his glory, and to show the vastness of His love. Ephesians talks about this all over the place... to the praise of the glory of his grace (1:6), to the praise of his glory (1:12), that you may know the hope of His calling (1:18), because of His great love (2:4), He might show the exceeding riches of His Grace (2:7), You who were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ (2:13), He might reconcile (2:16), that now the manifold wisdom of God might be made known by the Church (3:10), to comprehend the love of Christ (3:18-19), for the edifying of the body of Christ (4:12), that we should grow up in all things into Him (4:15), for the edifying of itself in love (4:16),

This is a serious, important, significant call. We are forgiven, but this is not where the story ends. We are called to now be imitators of His great love (5:1) - Walking in love (5:2), walking as children of the light (5:8), finding out what is acceptable and exposing evil (5:10-11), walking as wise (5:15), redeeming the time (5:16), understanding the will of the Lord (5:17), being filled with the Spirit (5:18), giving thanks in all things (5:20).

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil...Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints - and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make know the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak" Ephesians 6:10-11, 18-20

false humility

"'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called you son,' ... But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him"

It's worth noting that there is no mention of how the son felt or what he did. Personally, I don't think there is even a need to do so, because we already know the answer from first hand experience.

As a believer, I find myself putting limits on God's forgiveness. I only allow myself to hope to be forgiven for the the actual sins I am guilty of, while never even fathoming that God would/could forgive me. 

Shame, ladies and gentlemen...This position before the Lord, where we cannot bear to look at Him. We close our eyes tightly hoping He holds back His wrath. Our total depravity affirmed, yet he is running towards us?  

What does the son do, how does he feel? This is opposite of everything innate to humans. We earn forgiveness, we make it up, we expect the record of wrong to be kept, we beat ourselves up, we run away, we hide.

"Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations...according to the commandments and doctrines of men? These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh"

The false humility part part is what gets me. In my "humbling" of myself, I am just beating myself up, and am therefore allowing sin more power over me than I am allowing God. I am in fact "humbling" myself to this idol I have created, because the one true God is all powerful. I sin, in my sin, because of my sin. Depravity, affirmed.

Encouraged

So encouraged from Uncharted last night, and our discussion on the importance of intellectual roots in our Faith. We studied how the Bible as a whole stresses the importance of knowledge, but dove into Paul's statement in 1 Corinthians that all knowledge and Faith means nothing without love.

We talked our experience in ministry, and all the times we've ended up just trying to win an argument, rather than letting compassion for the person be our focus, with them knowing Jesus being the end goal. Lots of interesting discussion.

When is it righteous anger, and we are we taking too much of a burden upon ourselves?
When do you shake the dust off your feet and walk away?
How do you form a relationship with the person without condoning their sin?
What are some tangible ways of finding the sweet spot between knowledge and love?

Oh, and he's a picture of a baby seal that snuck in to nap on my couch.

Dunana, you're a rock star.

No words necessary, especially not the choice ones I was using every time I would lose my grip.

World Religions

A great reading found here , some notes copied below...

There are five major things to keep in mind when doing apologetics regarding world religions:

1. Know what the other believes. Never assume you know their faith as much as they do.
2. Read their book. Nothing will open up avenues for discussion as much as the knowledge that you have read the books they find holy.
3. Know Christianity. If you don’t know what you yourself believe, how are you to share that with others? As you engage with people of other faiths, you must continue to learn about your own faith and its answers to the questions others pose.
4. Preach the Gospel. The goal should not only be to rebut the others assertions and beliefs. It should be to guide the other towards Christ crucified and the salvation provided for by God.
5. Build a Genuine Relationship. It isn’t enough to simply engage in dialog; one must show they are interested in what the other has to say and what they believe. They must also be more than an occasional debate partner; they must build a relationship and become a friend. I’m not suggesting deception here, the relationship must be genuine. By showing a Christlike life to others, we can show them the intimate joys of Christianity.

Camping camping

Sean, Mike, Megan, Chris, Jeanna, Rachel and I on the CO River...

We found the hot springs just as it started to sprinkle.

Lukewarm bath water to share with a bachelor party? Yes please. 

Ah lunch time, thanks Jeanna!

naps, duh. 

until we hear "Noooo, ah dang it" and see Megan standing in the water having rolled off the log.

Christian Apologetics

My books for the Fall arrived yesterday! After a wonderful lunch meeting last Monday with Dr. Groothuis, and then a great webinar this past Wednesday, I had to jump into Christian Aplogetics the minute I got it. Yes, the actual minute I got it I started reading it. 

Taking suggestion from Moreland, I have started making a list of all the words I don't know. Debra and Chels, aren't yall proud?!

Have loved the first chapters, specifically on the parts referring to apologetics and evangelism. I would quote what stood out to me, but I would literally copy everything I had read so far. 

In the young adults group last night, we were talking about our Biblical heroes, and I confessed Paul was mine. I got a little excited speaking about his example in evangelism, and my new friend simply said, "Oh so you have the gift of evangelism?"

{insert blank stare}

I have been blogging about this, talking with my mom about this, reading about this, and honestly fearing about not doing it well. I am so passionate about this, but as I start to really flesh it out, I find myself gripped with insecurity. How many different ways can I learn the same lesson? God is gracious and all powerful. I am weak and (continually) humbled. When I am weak, He is strong...right? I need to believe this right now. God help my unbelief.